We all aspire to be calm, tranquil and peaceful but these can seem like lofty ideals when our lives are full of tasks, expectations and events that are out of our control. It can be more practical to aspire to be stoic, in other words - unbothered, unperturbed, unflappable.
Instead of hoping to face a busy day calmly, perhaps we would be more satisfied if we aspired to be unbothered. Instead of aiming to be tranquil in our most chaotic environments, perhaps we would be more as ease if we aspired to be unperturbed. Instead of trying to engage in a difficult conversation peacefully, perhaps we would be more successful if we aspired to be unflappable.
How we frame our expectations and aspirations can make all the difference to how long we can sustain these new habits. Reframing is a powerful psychological tool, a kind of magic trick to bypass the limited control mechanism in our minds and support our most ideal outcomes.
Our fervent habits of control are understandable, we know what we want and need and so, we proactively go about making it happen. It is an empowering thing to know what you want and need, that is not the problem, the problem is the narrow vision that can ensue when we are focusing on getting it. We think we know how to make it happen and leave little or no room for adaptation.
You know the feeling, when something you wanted so much didn’t work out the way you thought it would, and in your despair you became blind to alternative routes. The sooner we can let go and surrender to the myriad forces interacting with our lives, the more serene we become.
Serenity is not just the lovely feeling of being calm, tranquil and peaceful, it is a way of life. We can choose to exist in a state of serenity. To me this means being proactive and going for what you want, while at the same time surrendering to the Will of the Way, the Universe, whatever you want to call it. Action and surrender go hand in hand, and practised together what emerges is serenity.