August used to be my least favourite month of the year, the tail end of winter was just so miserable. I did not yet have the perspective of this ending heralding a new beginning, but now I do see it as one of the most exciting times of the year. August is the month where we begin to see the first signs of spring, symbolising the first signs of hope. Hope for warmth and abundance to return where life has been cold and baron. This is the promise of the natural seasonal cycles.
I can honestly say that I now absolutely love August and even get giddy with delight to discover the first sprouts shooting up through the soil, the first buds forming, the first tender leaves unfurling and placement of the sunset etching a little further back along the horizon. This time of year, the threshold of spring, is a time that I like to check in with my energy levels, my mental health and my progress toward my goals that were set around Winter Solstice. It is at this time, before the thrust and flourish of spring in all its glory, to check in with one's boundaries.
"Operating without boundaries invites dysfunction.” - Katherine Morgan Schafler
I find the tail end of winter to be the most potent time to set or reset boundaries because it is often the time of year where we have the lowest ebb in energy. Many of us need to feel that we are at our ‘wits end’ or at the threshold of our capacity before we can say ‘no’. I hope that our culture is changing and that we can honour our needs more readily before we burn out, but the reality is that many of us still feel like we have to be sick before we can take the time we need to rest, or do whatever it is that makes us happy, healthy and whole.
Ideally, we would check in with our boundaries regularly by asking these questions: How am I sleeping? Am I more irritable than usual? When was the last time I had an actual day off to do whatever the fuck I want? Do I feel guilty when I do make the time to do what makes me happy? Do I feel drained at the end of every day? Do I feel sick with anxiety at the beginning of every day? What do I berate myself for doing too much of or not enough of? When was the last time I had a good catch up with my friends, family, loved ones? How do I feel reading these questions??
"A boundary is a limit imposed for the purpose of protection, to protect your time, energy, safety and resources. You decide what is and is not ok with you, those decisions are your boundaries." - Katherine Morgan Schafler
It can be hard for many of us to know where our boundaries lie, often only stumbling upon them when someone else crosses them seemingly without a care. We can tell where a boundary is by where we feel most anxious, irritable, or angry. What happens routinely in your life that makes you fearful, anxious, or afraid? What situations make you want to scream? Who in your life makes your blood boil? Take note, these are where your boundaries are and your emotional response is an indication that something is not ok with you.
It can be equally hard for many of us to feel that it is ok for something to not be ok with us. In other words, it is ok to have boundaries. And it is ok if your boundaries are not where others would put them. The fact is that most people have no idea that boundaries exist until you tell them. It is not something we have been taught, unless we had thoughtful and empowering parents, teachers and caregivers. So, it is something we must learn. By becoming aware of and then communicating our boundaries, we protect ourselves and teach others to do the same.
"You cannot rise to your potential unless you know what your boundaries are, you know how to communicate them, and you know what to do if your boundaries are violated." - Katherine Morgan Schafler
No one else can tell you where your boundaries are but if you want to protect your time, energy, emotional wellbeing and ultimately live a full wholesome healthy life, you need to find them. It is not about being selfish or anything even remotely like that, it is about self-preservation, sanity and resilience. And the more we honour ourselves in this way, the more we honour it in others. It is uplifting not just for ourselves but for everyone else in our world. When we affirm our boundaries we are communicating our self-worth and we are giving others permission to do the same.
On the threshold of spring, the thrill of life blooming beautifully beyond our imagination is symbolic of our own inner potential. It is the seeming paradox of life that we need the tension, constriction and limitation of boundaries in order to wrestle, evolve and thrive, just like a baby needs a whom, or a flower needs a bud. We need these safe borders around us to fully form who we are and fully develop our gifts before we can burst forth and radiate our innate beauty.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anaïs Nin